Have you seen Naked & Healing?

I’m starting a blog

So I am going to do something different in my blog space. When the site was originally created it was one more place to share poetry. But as time has passed I now realize I miss having a home for longer thoughts and writings. So this will now be a space for a more traditional blog. It will also be a challenge for me since I haven’t blogged since 2012. A true testament to once you put something on the internet it lives forever. That blog still lives in the interweb and I visit it every so often to remind myself how far I have come and how much life has changed…for the better.

It will also force me to have a daily, or at least regular writing practice. Too often my writing is a moment that is captured and if it isn’t captured it passes gone forever. It will also make me journal some, and dream some, and talk about writing some. Hopefully, it will be an interesting place to visit.

So today I get to announce that Seeley Booth our oversized puppy received his Embark DNA results. Drum roll…Seeley is officially 50% Black Lab and 50% Great Pyrenees. We knew he was some percentage black lab we just didn’t know what else was mixed in. We just knew it was large. We adopted him from the shelter in Vinton County, Ohio in March. They thought he was 1-2 years old black lab mix. When we got him fixed they also did x-rays because of a leg injury that we wanted checked. From the x-rays his growth plates were not closed so he was estimated at 10-12 months old. Having always had corgis, low riders, the best thing about a big dog besides their big love is that you don’t need to bend down to pet them. I am guessing that will be an asset as we age. Big dog love also comes with an estimate of 80 pounds when he finishes growing. When he is feeling his lap dog moments there is no moving til he is ready.

Seeley sitting in the backyard

But what has been really on my mind today are memories. Specifically memories when I was in middle school. I reached out to a teacher that I had in middle school this week. I had looked for her on social media off and on for years. I couldn’t find her anywhere. I would google her and in the vast web I would get a search return of address letting me know she was still out there. It was always important to know she was still out there. It was like a touch stone. Someone who let you know that all would be okay in the world as long as they still existed.

So she floats through my mind often as people who are important to me do. Even if I don’t see them, may never see them again. I carry some people with me like that. And the other night randomly a friend suggestion appears from facebook – it isn’t her, it is her daughter. I go to her daughter’s facebook page and don’t see pictures or helpful information. And it doesn’t allow me to message. But it made me look for this middle school teacher again. And this time she returned in facebook. I reached out and she responded. I get to reconnect with her.

Now the point of this long meandering about trying to find a teacher is that this teacher found me. When I was 12 in middle school doing all the right things…cause that was the kind of kid I was – which means I didn’t stand out. I didn’t get into trouble. I did my schoolwork. I listened in class. I was someone that no one needed to worry about.

I realized this week that one of the reasons this teacher has always been so important is that she “saw” me. I was more than a number or the kid in the back row of her class or the quiet girl who spent time trying to make friends with the wild meadow vole that she had in her classroom.

She allowed me to stay after class at the end of the day to pet the hamster and make friends with the meadow vole. She told stories about her life. She let me and a friend do word games on the chalk board (R|E|A|D – read between the lines). I would be in her classroom after school for as long as I could stretch time. I would stay in her room in that bubble for 15 minutes, 20 minutes, a half hour. Then I would have the walk home which was another 20 minutes. My mother would be so angry when I got home. She never yelled. She would just talk about how she couldn’t believe that I was spending all that time petting animals. She would threaten to come and get me if I kept staying so late. That would have been embarrassing. And although I was petting animals and trying to tame them mostly I was learning what it was to be seen and heard.

To this day I have never been “seen or heard” by my parents. There is a joke in my family (my family being my girls and me). There was a day that we were visiting my parents. I was in my 40s, my girls were 13 and 11. We are sitting around the kitchen table. My parents are talking about some topic. We are sitting and listening. A friend was with us and they offered something on the topic. I start to say something and my parents keep talking like I never said a word. And then I say “and then we all went went dancing naked under the moon.” still nothing from my parents. It is like I never said a word. They keep talking. But both of my daughters and the friend heard every word I said. Their eyes moved to my face. I was in my 40s…but still to be seen and not heard.

But that middle school teacher…she showed me that I was someone worth seeing and hearing.

Word Witch

 

Shadows and darkness

Today I woke up to shadows
not really surprised
the darkness was
seeping in last night
the darkness is comfortable
the weight of it
safe
pressing everything else out
}including the words
it is all silent
in the darkness
then the shadows come
they keep me tethered
to the earth
so I don’t slip
in the rest of the way
into the darkness
and disappear

Sunday

Naked
in bed
legs intertwined
feet lazily caressing
under the sheets
side by side
touching
and reading
our books
together
on a lazy Sunday afternoon