I feel guilty
when I choose not to work
when I decide
I get some time
for me
Every appointment
I decline
carries a weight
guilt that I can’t take care of you
guilt that I am losing money
guilt that I am putting my wants
before everyone else
not acknowledging that I have needs
and can not give endlessly
til I crumble
and I schedule your appointment

And just like that
Roe v Wade
was overturned
and dozens of tumblers
in a complicated lock
all across the United States
slid into place
I was locked out of
making decisions
about my body

Still keeping secrets
omissions
edits
to my life
til the last one dies
then
Will I be free?