Stories
He gave me a story
Something to believe
Something to make me feel special
Make me feel like we were destiny
But I had been told that story before
Different but the same
and told another version
Different but the same
And I so wanted to believe
And I can’t imagine any story to be true
Any story that involved being with me
So this time I walked away
Peace
Put your hand there
low on my belly
do you feel it?
the softness
the calm
no butterflies
no tension
nothing
but calm and peace
thank you for giving me that
Anxiety and trauma
I never know
why the memories come
but they do
once in awhile
and they are so vivid
I can see his face
the brown green of his eyes
and I can’t shake them
and then as I blink
I can see my baby’s eyes
warm and brown
adoring and trusting
and I can’t shake that either
and anxiety
builds
and I reach for the bottle
just one pill will settle it down
I hope
and if one doesn’t
I will take another
and another